How to heal after a breakup(1/4)
Relationships are challenging. We cannot control them. We cannot guarantee that they’ll succeed.
When you think about it, what we know about relationships is… not much. Unfortunately, relationships are not part of any school curriculum. For most of us, the only “blueprint” we have of relationships is that of our parents - and many times, it’s not an example we can (or should) replicate.
So, when we’re faced with one of the toughest moments in a relationship, a breakup, most of us are not only overwhelmed by the pain and sense of loss that follows, but we also lack the tools to process this trauma and start our path towards healing.
If you’re going through a breakup, I’m sorry. I hope that you’ll find solace in the steps below.
Understand that “failing” is normal for many relationships
Some of our relationships during adulthood are going to fail. Whether it's because we didn’t do the right things or because we didn’t find the right person, or because we grew apart doesn’t matter. A breakup is a very normal part of many of the relationships in our lives. It happens to all of us at some point or another; there is nothing shameful about it happening to you now.
Of course, that doesn’t negate the fact that a breakup (and by a breakup, we mean any separation, an end of a relationship, or a divorce) is a harrowing moment. And it is followed by an equally painful, long, and difficult process: the healing process.
Try to remember the good things.
Very often, when a relationship ends, we tend to remember all the bad things: how that person hurt us or how they didn’t make us happy, to begin with.
But to get healthy closure and avoid creeping feelings of resentment (“I wasted my time with that person”), you should try to acknowledge the good things about that relationship. Don’t regret the happy moments you shared. Accept that even though the relationship didn’t evolve as you may have hoped, you still got something positive out of it.
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