Reasons why you’re bored in your marriage(1/4)
At the beginning of a marriage, everything feels new and exciting. You've got romantic date nights planned weeks, and what may become future annoyances are just endearing little quirks that make you love your spouse even more. But unfortunately, that honeymoon stage won't last forever. Eventually, things are going to simmer down, and you might even find yourself feeling, well, bored.
Luckily, that feeling doesn't mean your marriage is doomed. All it means is that you might need to devote a bit more time and energy to make things exciting again. Read on to discover why you might be feeling bored in your marriage, along with expert-backed tips for how to get things back on track.
You've stopped asking your partner questions.
As time goes by, you might feel like you know everything there is to know about your partner. But they've still got more layers, we promise! "I can guarantee that you probably think differently than the way you did four or five years ago," says relationship expert Dr Patrick Wanis, PhD. The same thing goes for your partner, which means you should never stop asking them questions and getting to know them.
Your relationship has changed—but your expectations haven't
When you begin a relationship, you have several expectations, whether it's about how exciting things should be, how available your partner should be, or how comfortable they should make you feel. But as the relationship goes on and circumstances change, you need to adjust your expectations as well.
"It's not so much that people change, but the circumstances of the relationship change and then we change in response to that," says Wanis. "You need to ask yourself what you're expecting from the relationship and what you're expecting from each other. Is that expectation fair and reasonable, or are you expecting something that your partner can no longer fulfil?" For example, if your partner used to make dinner every night but recently got a promotion and has to put in more hours at the office, that expectation may no longer be reasonable.
You don't surprise each other.
It doesn't have to be anything extravagant, but finding ways to surprise your spouse, whether with a gift or a thoughtful act, can keep your marriage feeling fresh, staving off those feelings of boredom. "What do you need to feel loved? What does your partner need to feel loved?" asks Wanis. "Look for ways to surprise your partner, but surprise them based on their personality style." And here's what we mean by that…
You don't know each other's love languages.
There are five love languages: words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, and physical touch. Each person has two primary love languages that describe how they feel loved the most. "The best way to treat someone isn't to treat them the way that you want to be treated; it's to treat someone the way that they want and need to be treated," says Wanis.
Interactions with your partner will be more engaging and fun when you can fully understand how you each receive love. For help with where to start, take the Five Love Language Quiz and have your partner take it, too.
You're not bonding with food.
Food is one of the easiest ways to bond with your partner. Wanis says that he even considers it to be the sixth love language. "Whether you're cooking together, whether you're cooking for each other, whether you're serving each other, or whether you're going out to try out new restaurants, food can be another great way to experience and express love," he notes.
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